Zastels

Feb 4th, 2024

It was Saturday the 3rd of February, my first day disconnected from the sap.

I am a philosopher, I will walk and talk. I cannot solve problems any longer with maps or words. I have placed upon myself restrictions. I live a life of the 1990's. The restrictions are largely internet based, I can only use it in a limited way. I can upload Youtube videos, but I cannot read the comments or interact with anyone.

This is a journey is stripping myself down to the essentials in life, so that I can master mapping in the same principle. I want a shelf to stand tall, white, and clean, devoid of objects. I want my shelf to represent order I have established.

I enjoy very much thrifting for old movies and music cd's. Blu-rays are $1 each and although not from the 1990's, they serve as an interesting comparison against the other existing mediums. I have a profound admiration and appreciation for all mediums, the cassette, vinyl, cd, the gas lamp, the incandescent bulb, the cooler of ice, a fire, a sauna, a tanning booth -- silent movies.

I seems I can't find a CD from the 1990's at a thrift store that isn't beautiful. Some are just burned with handwriting. I have a clear understanding from consuming this content now why we are spiraling out of control.

Nothing is cool anymore. Cool is an important word. If something stays cool, it has a profound influence on its economic value and cultural impact. This word cool is not really easy to do.

The first time I have felt cool since my childhood was today, I sat on my porch and had a different frame of mind. I simply didn't care about what I used to, I was somehow already greatly changed. I felt cool because I was no longer bracing for a wave, but looking to ride one. Whatever comes my way, cool.

Feb 5th

I literally do not miss the internet at all. I have caught myself accidentally 'going on it' very easily however. I turned my PC on specifically to do a business related matter, I knew I had to go directly into Quickbooks and send an email, 60 seconds max. I found myself on Youtube incidentally, wasting time. I caught myself quickly and then turned the PC back off. I was very surprised at how unproductive I was just then.

I went to the thrift store, scored a bunch of CD's and DVD's. I have seriously been enjoying watching movies, in fact I have been watching several movies a day while I work. Movies are very strange to me, they seem to call to me, like "turn me back on!" and when I do, I also get back to work. I had to reclaim my attention span to appreciate movies again. It further affirms to me, that Youtube is below that of even low quality.

With this 1990's attention span being reacquired, I wonder how my own Youtube content should change. Short and sweet I think, like a 1920's carpentry video. Framed beautifully, no wasted time.

I am becoming more organized to the point of dust and the contents of my drawers concerning me, this is also new. I am never satisfied with the level of clean, in fact I am now extremely aware of how much time I cost myself when I cook inside my clean kitchen. I clean it again right after, and now I know. It makes math impossible to use when deciding if it is economical to eat out. I just can't figure it out, because the entropy encurred from cooking yourself is insane. Everything gets so dirty.

I didn't want to sound morbid, but it feels like I am preparing to die. I always worried, what if Jesus knocked at my door, could I answer and feel proud? The answer was always no, because I carried a lot of shame. Something happened to me when young, and I always felt extreme shame when people visited. Nothing was clean enough even if it was clean, I don't know why I became so extreme. Right now it bothers me like crazy many things, I need another vacuum type to clean cracks well. I need to clean my windows. I need to clean my baseboards. I want more lamps. My fridge inside needs to be cleaned. I want to get rid of canned good and food I don't want.

This is my list now. I'm not even a week in. If I do all of these things, what will my list be then?

I love you MapSpawn, you're on my mind. I appreciate you people who joined because I told you there was a connection between beautiful maps and God. I don't think anyone joined because they liked me in particular, and that is a good thing. I made sure to fly the banner properly.