Zastels
Feb 4th, 2024
It was Saturday the 3rd of February, my first day disconnected from the sap.
I am a philosopher, I will walk and talk. I cannot solve problems any longer with maps or words. I have placed upon myself restrictions. I live a life of the 1990's. The restrictions are largely internet based, I can only use it in a limited way. I can upload Youtube videos, but I cannot read the comments or interact with anyone.
This is a journey is stripping myself down to the essentials in life, so that I can master mapping in the same principle. I want a shelf to stand tall, white, and clean, devoid of objects. I want my shelf to represent order I have established.
I enjoy very much thrifting for old movies and music cd's. Blu-rays are $1 each and although not from the 1990's, they serve as an interesting comparison against the other existing mediums. I have a profound admiration and appreciation for all mediums, the cassette, vinyl, cd, the gas lamp, the incandescent bulb, the cooler of ice, a fire, a sauna, a tanning booth -- silent movies.
I seems I can't find a CD from the 1990's at a thrift store that isn't beautiful. Some are just burned with handwriting. I have a clear understanding from consuming this content now why we are spiraling out of control.
Nothing is cool anymore. Cool is an important word. If something stays cool, it has a profound influence on its economic value and cultural impact. This word cool is not really easy to do.
The first time I have felt cool since my childhood was today, I sat on my porch and had a different frame of mind. I simply didn't care about what I used to, I was somehow already greatly changed. I felt cool because I was no longer bracing for a wave, but looking to ride one. Whatever comes my way, cool.
Feb 5th
I literally do not miss the internet at all. I have caught myself accidentally 'going on it' very easily however. I turned my PC on specifically to do a business related matter, I knew I had to go directly into Quickbooks and send an email, 60 seconds max. I found myself on Youtube incidentally, wasting time. I caught myself quickly and then turned the PC back off. I was very surprised at how unproductive I was just then.
I went to the thrift store, scored a bunch of CD's and DVD's. I have seriously been enjoying watching movies, in fact I have been watching several movies a day while I work. Movies are very strange to me, they seem to call to me, like "turn me back on!" and when I do, I also get back to work. I had to reclaim my attention span to appreciate movies again. It further affirms to me, that Youtube is below that of even low quality.
With this 1990's attention span being reacquired, I wonder how my own Youtube content should change. Short and sweet I think, like a 1920's carpentry video. Framed beautifully, no wasted time.
I am becoming more organized to the point of dust and the contents of my drawers concerning me, this is also new. I am never satisfied with the level of clean, in fact I am now extremely aware of how much time I cost myself when I cook inside my clean kitchen. I clean it again right after, and now I know. It makes math impossible to use when deciding if it is economical to eat out. I just can't figure it out, because the entropy encurred from cooking yourself is insane. Everything gets so dirty.
I didn't want to sound morbid, but it feels like I am preparing to die. I always worried, what if Jesus knocked at my door, could I answer and feel proud? The answer was always no, because I carried a lot of shame. Something happened to me when young, and I always felt extreme shame when people visited. Nothing was clean enough even if it was clean, I don't know why I became so extreme. Right now it bothers me like crazy many things, I need another vacuum type to clean cracks well. I need to clean my windows. I need to clean my baseboards. I want more lamps. My fridge inside needs to be cleaned. I want to get rid of canned good and food I don't want.
This is my list now. I'm not even a week in. If I do all of these things, what will my list be then?
I love you MapSpawn, you're on my mind. I appreciate you people who joined because I told you there was a connection between beautiful maps and God. I don't think anyone joined because they liked me in particular, and that is a good thing. I made sure to fly the banner properly.
Feb 7th
Journaling on a wik, so far I have decided that everyone should journal on a wiki, but all I have learned is that it isn't easy. I'll have to seek out ways to improve organization for individual mappers who want to journal on MapSpawn.
I purchased some new DVD's, I am totally in love with Westerns. I also acquired Gilligan's Island, and I fell in love with it right away.
I have experienced major breakthroughs, I have memories of my younger self, when they revisit me they're pleasant. They're the feeling that the day used to be long, the skies a special grey, the air a certain smell. Many things are coming back to me since I have adjusted my attention span.
I have learned that Youtube shorts are basically a form of cancer. So is reading comments, it is functionally the same. You walk away from the experience feeling clouded and dizzy once you start to reset. I highly recommend avoiding reading comments, I didn't realize how much noise it adds to the mind.
I've been slowly removing all LED's from my home. My workout room had an LED in it, and the room was always very cold and I hated it. I swapped out the LED for in incandescent, and the room now doesn't have a cold feeling, and the light doesn't make me feel ill and like I want to leave. I intend to get a large mat for the floor, similar to one you'd see in a gradeschool gym. I really love those mats and I think they should be in every home! Sitting on the floor comfortably is an important aspect of life.
Feb 8th
I had a major breakthrough again, this time I was able to admit to myself that I cannot go to work anymore. I'm very surprised to hear myself say this, I am most certainly not a person who is political or unwilling to work. I'm 36 and I've worked my whole life since 16, and I was in a school before that. I've never in my life known freedom and what it would bring me if it was unbound.
I've worked as a chef it brought me nothing but poor health and poor relationships. I've worked as a carpenter, it did not bring me a house, and you see it isn't intended to. There is this Great Lie that exists in Canada, it follows you your whole life. You are always told the current position you're in is a joke, but the next one is the real deal.
The way the psychology works in communist Canada is like this:
Grade school is a joke, but in high school nobody holds your hand. High school is a joke, but in college you will sink or swim. In the "real world" nobody will tolerate your behavior! You should think about being an entrepreneur!
If you're wondering what the word entrepreneur means, it was invented by our government. It means you run your own business. It's like calling a carpeter a woodman.
The reason I can't work anymore is because I have to find myself. Wow, I sound so cliche, but it is true. I became a business owner and it gave me a glimpse of freedom, and now I just want to work for God. I would not be willing to work as a cook or carpenter again, because it doesn't make any sense in this country. When you work you lose your identity, because it is an all consuming affair. People will fire you even when you give them your whole identity, the same people who called you family. When this happens to a person they have to heal, but it's like being pushed from a moving vehicle when fired in communist Canada.
I never thought the anti-work movement was about people wanting to heal and find themselves.
Imagine you're a puzzle piece, and you're looking for your matches. Everyone you come across in communist Canada is a puzzle piece claiming to be a corner piece. "I am a corner piece" and they stick their nose up to you and saunter away.
I love God very much and praise Jesus for obsolving us our sins, I just want a life where my work improves the lives of people. All of these "communists" I hope to find a bridge to, just like the anti-work camp. If everyone really is just trying to heal, then maybe we just need a way slower economy.
